Sunday, 30 January 2011

Just Chillin'

This installment of fecal art symbolises what I find to be one of the most defining aspects of relieve oneself on the throne - relaxation. I find that when defecating I am at the apex of relaxation, my mind stands at rest with the world and I am able to sit back and think to myself "Life is Good".

This poo embodies this in my eyes because of its posture within the toilet - it sticks up on the side not because it wishes to assert its position or power but because it is simply just chilling and being a poo. The head calmly sticks up out of the water coming to say "hello" whilst the rest of the body reclines on the basin as is leisurely sits taking in its aqueos surroundings. Added to this it flushed cleanly serving as a testament to being calm and mellow, showing that whatever your circumstances there is always time to sit back and have some me time.

Word to the Kraken

Once every hundred thousand years or so, where the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow there will be a poo that you must know. This is the very essence of this turd - like my reactions to the mighty cock poo I had to stare for a few moments and contemplate the notion that such amazement had come out of me. The release itself was a testamant to the greatness of the kraken in that it was so modest as to be produced not warranting my attention - only to imply it was 3 minor shits coming out of me.

I sat on the basin releasing one plop after another expecting nothing more than a standard uninteresting poo to be left in the basin - not worthy of my time, the though crossing that the poo would even be a mess, but no! - the kraken stared back at me and said "YES, I AM YOUR SPAWN".

The Spec

I hate it when i see toilets defiled by fecal discharge such as the picture denotes. It screams to me that the individual making use was too lazy to clear the remnants or felt that they excersized such control of their anus that they should be revered for it, even to the point of making a mark. This mark stands in my face attempting to sway me from using the device - informing me that another has already laid solitary claim.

The mark if anything denotes inadequacy to gain ones own through hard work and respect rather just to let luck and a lack of understanding pave the way for their life.

Friday, 28 January 2011

Short but sweet

Rather unimpressive compared to my last two submissions but I am committed to documenting all of my turds regardless of their status within the fecal universe. A jagged knife cut into my vision as I turned round to observe what had just departed from my anus. This installment was only a minor 5 inches (12.7 cm) however aesthetically similar to a shard of ice. A pool of sunny delight embalmed the creation highlighting its presence in the bowl.

I Am Harbinger

This turd was similar to my last in that it shared 2 mighty attributes in that it was of a mighty size and poked out of the top. However despite being easily flushed it made up with one key feature - it was phallically shaped.

Possibly borderline as awesome as the previous one although having said that I was truly diverted by the temperament and disposition of this installation - it sprung up out of the toilet assering its position in the world as if to say "i am here and i shall not be moved". I was if anything else proud that I had created such a stubborn silently commanding masterpiece.


I have seen perfection. People claim they know perfect from looking at beautiful women, men, cars whatever - our society is obsessed with the notion that we can have a perfect anything. On the fateful day i produced this monster I had seen the definition of perfect.

This turd was at least 11 inches long (28 cm), and was a perfect break off, tested with toilet roll and there was nothing. the tip was also poking out of the water as if to greet and congratulate me for my performance, sadly this is not shown in the photo.

The final coup d'etat over most other turds came with what secured this masterpiece as a champion turd - it would not flush. Not because it had blocked the toilet but because it seemed to have fused itself to the basin. In summary: No Wipe, Sizeable Dimensions and an Inability to Dispose - these are the tennets of greatness.

Golden Surprise

The first post of this blog must be an honorable mention to the unknown turd. This particular piece was discovered by myself after a drunken night looking for a toilet to be sick in. To say the least the very image stopped me in my tracks, i was compelled to document it. There was something lonely about this turd, it was simply left there (i did not test flush-ability) with only a small amount of toilet role.

Either way it was a phat shit, I mean the anus and stomach that would be required to sin this badly against nature is incredible. I fell this way as it was a mammoth shit that was corned with a smell to match. Regardless, I never found the owner. All memory to the unknown shit.

It Begins

Good Day people, my name is Neil (as you may have gathered) and i am starting a blog about my Poo. The precise motives behind this are still a mystery to myself but i hope that all those who read this will be equally diverted by its contents.