Saturday, 19 February 2011

Come at me bro

Again I have produced a turd who endeavors to hold a more relaxed disposition when faced with the cruel eyes that befall it when inspection turns its way. This turd was larger than it's predecessor likely in effort to place more emphasis on the message it gave the first time. To reiterate such a message upon disposal it calmly lay down and refused to be flushed staring at me shouting "you just don't get it do you". I can faithfully say like many a protest before it the message was made.

The Swamp

It is occasional that upon their submission to the world turds will affect the area around them, most often with the passage of time, however this was a notable one due to the colour that it had changed the water to. Most fecally affected fluids turn a dash of brown due to the particles of the beast itself dissolving within but this turd would have none of that.

In an almost operatic sense of environment it has created a swampy field around itself where it can lay and gaze judgingly at onlookers who can only gaze back and wonder about the marvels within.

Twin Peaks of Kilimanjaro

Once again I present another of nature's miracles in fecal format and once again it was spawned by another, an unknown submitter who left their mark perhaps to be observed by others but likely as the spec leavers do to impose some sense of importance on the world as these twins were gone with a single flush. It truly pains me more to see this than specs as it is the physical leavings of a sloth - observe the paper casually discarded into the bowl with no regard for whoever may more urgently need to make use of the facilities!

If only I was able to engage in some method of holmesian detection I could perhaps locate the offender and make them accountable for their actions! But alas until that day I must simply gaze in awe sometimes at the uncredited marvels of others and sometimes the despondent leavings they choose to present me.


The particularly sharp disposition of this turd had me thinking about the contents of caves around our planet and how the mineral formations which they harbour stand as monuments to patients. These items take many a year to be created and when they do reach their primal form a vision of excellence is projected to all those that gaze upon it. Turds to not follow a similar lifecycle as they are brewed and spawned in a matter of days so lack an appreciation for time taken to create beauty, it begs the question if we took more time to process our waste and more rigorously sorted through useful and not useful would we have a better appreciation for what we leave behind?

Collateral Damage

This installment demonstrates truly what occurs when one is distracted during work and attempts to multi task two items at once. You see to relieve oneself without the hassle of clearing the body afterwards it is necessary to be totally focused however this cannot be achieved whilst in the presence of another casually attempting the same task with no understanding of how it should be correctly achieved.

The resulting turd is chaos, a series of disconnected lumps which form no model and hold no disposition within the bounds of the throne which they have been spawned into. I am forever troubled by poos which compose themselves in this manner as it implies that I have let myself down and was unworthy of possessing such and incredible method for removing waste.

Sneaky Fuck

When this turd plopped out of me I was struck with a certain awe of confusion upon inspecting the package which I had released into the world, it appears this turd had escaped my vision as if to disguise itself from me perhaps out of embarrassment or fear.

I feel this embodies one of the most pressing issues within our modern society - the desire to have a perfect image and the notion that one is not worthy to be seen without possessing such a thing (embodied by the fact that it is a shit that is hiding itself). This turd perhaps felt unworthy to be seen despite considerable effort to allow its birth on my part. Indeed it struck me as odd however I soon came to realise that this could be the embodiment of courage also as this turd regardless of its appearance had boldly ridden forward into the unknown whilst staying back somewhat to assure me that it was in good health, well played!

Two Headed Sausage

This is what happens when you dont relieve yourself for a while, it was at least a week between my last shit and this one although once I looked down upon the installment i confess myself somewhat disappointed that there was not true awe waiting to greet me. A description of what culminated in this experience is what i shall discuss today.

If one does not empty the fields then the resident turds naturally become fearful for their lives - is the creator keeping us for taunting or is there true hope that we may survive and stay here. Alas such a fate has never befallen a poo. Guided by this fear particles of poo group together like pack animals assuming that basic instinct that there is safety in numbers - they meld their bodies together in hope of creating a vessel that will protect them however this only makes the fate worse and worse as it provokes the environment they exist in. This shit was deployed in one quick sweep, the inspection lasting a similar time. I noticed that this was less spacious than some of its brethren however it would not yield to its environment and held form upon deployment. For this it yerns respect.

In aesthetics it did somewhat resemble a two-way dildo, further emphasising it's tactical superiority over the surrounding as it had garnered the ability to attack two fronts simultaneously.